Your getting older
bolder
a teenager now.
And I don’t know how to be
what I wish I could…
Everything that you need
and want
from me.
You’re so smart
as sharp as a knife.
One that would never cut nor stab
hurt nor harm.
But without malicious intent
one that will,
through the virtue of its simple being,
slice away the corners
of my facade.
Such that you’ll come to see
that I’m just a man
No ‘super’ anymore.
Your heart is like treasure
huia kaimanawa
of the greatest kind.
So perfect in its sweetness
so soft and beautiful.
But I’m afraid that I’ve broken it
too many times,
with my clumsy, painfully imperfect, always-do-my-best but my-best-is-often-not-good-enough parenting.
I just have this sinking, gut-wrenching, nauseating sense
that I’m getting it all wrong.
And my hearts breaking
into little stain-glass window colourful pieces
now mixed together
with yours.
You’re so wonderful.
So kind and thoughtful.
So deep and mysterious.
So guarded but fearless.
So brave and direct.
You’re so wonderfully you
and I’m so delighted to watch
you bloom.
To be here, present, everyday, in every way, savouring this bless’d time.
I just hope that I’ll find my way through it,
for your sake not mine,
without the Teenager Instruction Manual.
PoemsofaDad 